Narla Dean's Book Recommendations

Books I Return To:

These are the books that have shaped me - personally, professionally, and relationally. They’ve offered language where/when I had none, frameworks that helped me create new ones and make sense of the inner landscapes of myself and other, and invitations into deeper presence with myself and the sacred.

Some speak to theory, some to the body, some to the realms beyond. All of them, in some way, have woven themselves into the way I work and relate. I share them you with deep gratitude.

(In no particular order)

Secure Love by Julie Menanno A compassionate and clear guide to building emotional safety in relationships. Drawing from attachment theory, Julie Menanno offers tools for recognising anxious or avoidant patterns and shifting into secure functioning. She focuses on listening with empathy, expressing boundaries, and cultivating trust. Accessible and affirming for people wanting to feel seen, responded to, and emotionally grounded.

Polysecure by Jessica Fern A vital read for those in non‑monogamous relationships seeking more connection and security. Jessica Fern bridges attachment theory and polyamory, showing how secure relating can thrive in multiple-partner dynamics. She explores trauma, regulation and emotional capacity with clarity and care, offering insight to both individuals and practitioners working in open love spaces.

The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

A philosophical dialogue that challenges beliefs about approval, trauma and purpose. This book brings Adlerian psychology to life in a conversational way, inviting readers toward radical self-acceptance and the freedom to live in alignment with personal values. It’s liberating for anyone tangled in people-pleasing or attachment to others’ expectations.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

Based on decades of relational research from the “Love Lab,” this book outlines core principles for lasting partnership. Gottman shares tools for emotional connection, conflict repair and mutual trust. Couples learn to reduce defensiveness, increase admiration and build shared meaning - supported by exercises and relatable stories.

A Return to Eros by Marc Gafni and Kristina Kincaid

A soul‑stirring exploration of eros as more than sexuality - it’s aliveness, yearning, creativity and sacred presence. Gafni and Kincaid invite a reclamation of desire as a gateway to wholeness. This poetic and courageous book uncovers the sacred erotic pulse within spiritual and creative life. Why We Love by Dr. Anna Machin This book explores the biology, psychology, and anthropology of human connection. She reveals how brain chemistry, attachment styles, and culture shape the way we love - in romance, friendship, family, and community. Challenging the idea that monogamy is natural, she shows it as a social construct, inviting us to design relationships with intention. Love, she argues, is both instinct and choice, an evolving process we can shape to fit who we are and how we want to live.

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg

A foundational guide to compassionate dialogue. Rosenberg presents a framework for sharing observation, feeling, need and request - with clarity and empathy. This approach transforms conflict into connection and supports conversations rooted in mutual understanding and emotional safety.

Opening Up by Tristan Taormino

A grounded and inclusive guide to ethical non‑monogamy, swinging and open relationships. Taormino offers stories, strategies and boundary tools to navigate jealousy, communication and evolving desire. The book honours diverse relationship structures and helps readers craft connection with intention and honesty. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

A groundbreaking book that explores how trauma lives in the body, not just the mind. Van der Kolk offers insight into how trauma shapes the nervous system - and how healing comes through embodied practices like somatics, EMDR, movement and presence. A powerful read for those on a path of trauma recovery or supporting others through it.

If Women Rose Rooted by Sharon Blackie

A mythic, grounded invitation to women seeking authenticity, belonging and connection with land and ancestral wisdom. Sharon Blackie interweaves folklore, ecology and personal journey into a call for rootedness and soulful living. Poetic and profoundly resonant.

The Erotic Blueprints by Jaiya

A joyful, body-based framework that illuminates five different styles of erotic expression - Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky and Shapeshifter. Jaiya invites readers to understand their own pleasure wiring and communicate more deeply with partners. A playful and affirming guide for expanding erotic language.

Becoming Supernatural by Dr Joe Dispenza Bridging science and spirituality, this book explores how energy, meditation and mindset can create transformation. Dispenza shares neuroscience-based practices for shifting emotional patterns, accessing expanded states of consciousness and aligning with personal potential beyond old identities.

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

A powerful examination of love, desire and intimacy in long-term relationships. Perel explores why eroticism falters in committed bonds and how to rekindle passion without sacrificing safety. Witty, insightful and deeply human, this book helps couples reconnect with longing and creativity in partnership.

Emotional Agility by Susan David

A practical and compassionate guide to working with emotions rather than suppressing them. David teaches how to pause, recognise feeling, embrace inner truth and choose actions aligned with values. Emotional agility supports resilience, authenticity and self-leadership in life’s transitions.

Why Good People Do Bad Things by James Hollis

A Jungian exploration of shadow, morality and unconscious motivations. Hollis helps readers understand how unseen parts of self drive destructive behaviour - and how integrating those parts can lead to growth and authenticity. Thoughtful, reflective and psychologically rooted.

Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg

A book about the art and science of connecting through conversation. Charles Duhigg explores traits that differentiate communicators who truly resonate. He offers techniques to listen more deeply, mirror intention and create emotional attunement. This book is useful for personal and professional relating, improving clarity and empathy.

Fight Right by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman

An evidence-based guide to transforming conflict into connection. The Gottmans share tools for managing arguments with emotional safety. Readers learn how to recognise reactivity loops, practice empathetic listening and repair ruptures. This book helps readers build healthier conflict habits that strengthen intimacy even in tension. Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

A science-based yet deeply compassionate book that reframes how arousal, desire, and sexuality really work - especially in relation to the female body and nervous system. Nagoski gently dismantles myths about sex and shows how things like stress, context, safety, and connection impact pleasure. Insightful, reassuring, and often freeing.

The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller

A beautiful invitation to sit with grief not as a problem to fix, but as a doorway to depth, meaning, and belonging. Weller draws from ritual, psychology, and myth to honour sorrow as a sacred part of life. A deeply felt book for those navigating loss or longing for a deeper emotional life.