hinarladean

The awareness is always the beginning. But it was never meant to be the whole story. I've found myself walking through the same process with a few different clients this week. Not because I planned it, but because it kept being what was needed. So I thought I'd write it down. A lot of therapy lives in awareness. The why, the how, the where it came from. Understanding what triggers you, tracing it back, naming it. And that work matters. It really does. But two clients said something to me this...

My boyfriend and I are going on dates tonight. Yes, you read that correctly. We are a polyamorous couple, and tonight we are both going on dates. Separate locations. Different people. Same night. It didn't intentionally land this way, it just did. And it got me thinking about something that doesn't get spoken about enough in open relating. What do you do with yourself while your lover is out with someone else? How you tend to that space says everything about where you are in your own journey....

There is a difference between asking "can I go on a date?" and saying "I'm going on a date, how does that feel for you?" One is asking for permission. The other is moving from autonomy, while turning toward the people you love. This distinction matters deeply to me. In open relating, I don't believe we need to seek permission from our partners to live, explore, connect or follow desire. But I do believe we owe each other consideration, care, and slowness. Before anything moves forward, I want...