Understanding The States and The Undercurrents

Another client moving through Relating, Me Before We.

Right now we are exploring the different states we move through in relationship.

The moments when we are open.

The moments when we are reaching for connection.

The moments when we are at capacity.

And the moments when we feel the need to hide and protect.

So many people think conflict is about the topic.

But often it is actually about the state we are in, the undercurrents, and the unspoken needs of the vulnerable parts within us.

In Relating, Me Before We I lean on polyvagal theory.

We start to notice when the nervous system is open and connected.When it begins to brace.

When it shuts down.

When it pushes back.

And then we begin to recognise the phrases that often come with those states.

“I must.”

“I can’t.”

Each one carrying a different state in the body, a different flavour of protection.

But underneath those positions there is almost always something much more tender.

A part that is trying to protect something precious.

Often the quiet truth underneath is simply

“I hurt.”

A fear of abandonment.A fear of being controlled.A fear of missing out.A fear of not being good enough.

When we slow the moment down enough, we begin to see the protective strategy instead of just reacting to the behaviour.

And something shifts.

We stop fighting positions.

We begin meeting the nervous systems and the tender parts underneath.

The undercurrents.

Relating changes when we can recognise the state we are in, and the tide moving beneath it all.

This is the work I am here for.

If this resonates,

www.narladean.com

8 week program

Relating, Me Before We.

With love,

Narla.