Doing The Groundwork

I keep noticing a pattern.

And if you know me at all, you know I love patterns.

Patterns.

Cycles.

Root causes.

Shadow.

Clarity.

Change.

So many of my clients are finding me because they are already in open relating, consciously non monogamous, or exploring something beyond the default script. Often they arrive here because the support they have elsewhere does not fully meet this terrain.

They are not finding me at the beginning.

They are finding me after hurt has landed.

After trust has been shaken.

After things have started to feel a little crumbly.

This is incredibly common.

Yes, open relating can be a beautiful, expansive journey.

And it also takes time.

Care.

Slowness.

A lot of communication.

A lot of clarity.

And a huge amount of deconditioning.

We are unlearning decades of relational conditioning while trying to build something new, often without enough support, structure, or grounding.

Most of the hurt I see does not come from open relating itself.

It comes from trying to live a new relational paradigm without having done the groundwork.

Without knowing your edges, your needs, your capacity.

Without knowing how to stay connected to yourself when things get hard.

That is where clunkiness creeps in.

That is where harm happens.

Not because people are doing it wrong, but because they are under resourced.

A few months ago, I realised I was taking almost all of my clients on a very similar journey. So I created a program called Relating, Me Before We.

Since then, I have been running individuals and couples through this work, and watching something very real take shape.

This work is not just for open relating.

It is about relating, full stop.

It is about building a clear, grounded, centred relationship with yourself before you bring yourself into relationship with another.

Open relating is like personal development on steroids.

It brings everything to the surface.

Attachment patterns.

Fear.

Desire.

Capacity.

Your relationship with truth, jealousy, autonomy, and responsibility.

Because of that, the tools and awareness developed here cross over into every form of relating.

Whether you choose monogamy, non monogamy, or something fluid and undefined, the work is the same.

This work is for people who lose themselves in relationship.

Who take what is available instead of choosing what is aligned.

Who repeat familiar dynamics, hoping for a different outcome.

Who feel the ache for something different but do not yet have the language or structure to create it.

It is for people who want relationships that nourish.

Who want to stay grounded in themselves while loving another.

Who want their love life to support, not drain, their aliveness.

If this sounds like you, or your relationship, you are welcome to reach out.

I am deeply in love with the work I am offering right now, and I see how it is rippling through my clients lives and relationships.

With love,

Narla